Trapped

I read something minutes ago. And I don’t know if I was meant to read it. I don’t know if he purposefully let me read it.

I just can’t help but wonder who he was talking about. And I most certainly couldn’t help but match certain puzzles…connect certain pm’s to some of his posts.

What was that all about, anyway? (Gosh, I somehow wish you were reading this…maybe you are..maybe you aren’t..but if you are then let me know. I’m certain you’d know it is you I’m speaking of, anyway.).

You had no business puzzling me like that(or maybe you had). Why those messages, anyway? Damn! I feel so trapped. You put me into this maze and I couldn’t move ‘coz I’m afraid of being lead into the wrong direction and I might never be able to get back.

I totally miss the friendship. Totally. I miss the old times. You may not know this but those were the most meaningful days of my life. I don’t recall ever feeling that…peaceful. And honored. You were one of the few who made me feel life…and the good things in it. Our friendship has always been(and would always be) something I would hold in my heart for as long as I live.

There were certain stuff you randomly told me. Stuff that made me ask questions. But then I never asked those questions out loud ‘coz I know it would’ve altered our friendship in some way. And I didn’t ever want that to happen. I respected our friendship too much to ever have let something(anything) get in the way. I just couldn’t risk it. Even if I had to spare telling you the truth(the whole truth about how I felt). I simply knew it wasn’t worth it. The friendship was more valuable than anything else.

I just wish we could talk like we did before. Things are different now. And months without constant communication left things kinda awkward, in a sense. We talk, but it isn’t like before. And I have this dreadful feeling that it won’t ever be like before. I could do something about it, though. And maybe I would do something about it. But then of course, this isn’t only about me doing something. Some part has to come from you, too.

Gosh, I don’t know why I’m writing this! It’s not like you’re gonna read it anyway(but if you are exploring enough, then you probably will coz the link to this blog is just out there somewhere). And it’s not like I’m sure about the whole thing. I think I just needed to let it out. All the frustrations. All the questions that I just couldn’t ask. And everything else I supress. They were all like a zillion droplets of water trapped inside a balloon…wanting to flow freely into the air and onto the ground. I’m not opting for these questions to be answered, anyway. I only want them to be thrown out into the void. Yeah, I believe that’s what I just did…throw everything into the void.

But through it all…thank you. Thank you for being such a wonderful part of my life.

p.s.
and if it is me you were referring to…then the answer’s NO…the friendship hasn’t been lost. And know this…it’ll never..ever be lost.

Whew..blogging it all out has always been relieving!