Running Away From Me
July 6, 2006Betrayal. It’s probably one of the cruelest experience someone could go through.
A family’s betrayal…a friend’s…a lover’s. But the worst is when you’re betrayed by your own emotions. It is even more crushing than that time when your bestfriend took your enemy’s side instead of yours. More shattering than that time when you discovered your partner hooking up with a supposed good friend. When betrayed by another, you’ve got someone else to blame. Someone else who may take the guilt. Someone else who becomes less free and less dignified because of his misdeed. Someone else who just might say sorry when things cool down.
But when deceived by your own heart, you’ve got only yourself to feel both the pain of betrayal and the pang of guilt. Everything - the blame, the sorrow - it’s all on you. No one else is degraded because of the crime. When pacified, no one else could be sorry. No one else but you.
It is indeed true, what they say, that your worst enemy is you.
You could wrestle with a sumo master and ache from getting all your bones cracked. But you know what else could bring more pain? It is when you wrestle with your self and get your soul crushed.
Lean On Him
Yesterday, I looked into the mirror and saw someone looking back at me. A pained pair of eyes which, I later realized, was actually mine. In that split second when I stared at myself and didn’t see me, I stopped awhile, immobilized and a little distraught at this confusion.
Sometimes, life can be a little tough on us. There are times when we feel like jumping out into the void where there’s nothing that could bother us, nothing that could hurt us.
But times like these are inevitable. And whether or not we like it, times like these are actually what makes life, LIFE. We can’t very well know what good is if we haven’t known how bad feels like. The latter helps substantiate the former.
So yesterday, as I was looking into that mirror and realized that..well..life’s been kinda tough lately, I tried not to be drugged by the pain as I silently uttered a simple prayer - “Please. Hold me close.” And I felt it…He gathered me into His embrace and let me cry on His shoulders.
As far as I know, that’s what I’ve been striving hard to do since yesterday. So far, He hasn’t let me down. And…well, not that there’s a need for me to say it…I believe He never will. 
(more…)
